The Beginning

This is the nice, new blog I started after the nice, new journal I started. The journal was given to me awhile ago and has just been sitting on a shelf. Before now, I’ve started journals in regular notebooks and quit them soon after starting. Now I have a bunch of notebooks (here and gone), fragmenting my life all over the place. I guess that’s a good way to describe how my life has been – fragmented. Maybe this book will be the one about de-fragmenting it all.

The next step.

Kind of a scary thing for me.

I had to take a huge pause after thinking about that.

Even now, my mind is still reeling at the idea.

I’ve just been sitting here in the tub. The water is lukewarm. Still pausing from the thought of de-fragmenting. It must be important. I’m in a state of reluctance. I’ll probably spend some time today researching psychological de-fragmenting. I like the way I’ve put these first few pages together. I always like to get everything right.

This article explains it:

“Dissociation is a phenomenon most people have the capacity to experience.  It is a coping mechanism used to manage stressors as minor as over-stimulation or as severe as sexual abuse.

As a way of coping, dissociation occurs when the brain compartmentalizes traumatic experiences to keep people from feeling too much pain, be it physical, emotional, or both.  When dissociation occurs, you experience a detachment from reality, like ‘spacing out.’  Part of you just isn’t ‘there in the moment.’

Children who suffer from problematic dissociation can often display symptoms that can be misinterpreted as other psychological problems.  According to the International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation, children with dissociative disorders are prone to trance states or ‘black outs’ where the child becomes unresponsive or has a lapse in attention.  They may also stare at nothing, forget parts of their life or what they were doing a moment ago, or act as if they just woke up in response to being called to attention.  Coupled with sudden changes in activity levels (like a child being lethargic one minute and hyperactive the next), these symptoms are often misinterpreted as Attention Deficit Disorder or Bipolar Disorder.

Other dissociative symptoms like dramatic, abnormal changes in mood, personality, or age, acting in socially inappropriate ways, or insisting on being called by another name can also lead to misdiagnoses of psychotic or behavioral disorders.

Underlying all of these symptoms is a tendency for the child to separate parts of themselves, or ‘fragment.’  This fragmentation is often the result of already experienced trauma.  In children, the traumatic situation is often a form of abuse or neglect in the home, either as a witness or victim.”

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